a strange and wonderful glimpse into the workplace

by Steven Garrity

My place of work is strange and wonderful. The perks are many and the hours are long. Being in close quarters for a long time with a group of people can breed a bizarre little sub-culture.

What follows is a post in its entirety made on our company intranet. The frequent and unproductive nature of my posts on this company intranet was part of the impetus for aov itself. I felt that this particular post was representative of my life at silverorange.

Subject: Bananas are way cool
Date: 2:56 AM Sunday, July 15
Posted By: Dan James

this banana image was included with the actual intranet post - I suspect dan found it with images.google.com
I was at the Ken’s Corner Petro Can doing some grocery shopping tonight (I barely escaped with my life) and I picked up some bananas. They were in suprisingly good shape for being at a Gas station for more than 10 minutes.

Anyway, while eating my second juicy banana of the evening I began to wonder about the nutritional value of this oddly shaped fruit. Google was able to give me a nice list of pages to look at. The most informative one was this one. Not only was it informative, it was halirious. I think we should hire this guy as our creative writer (sorry Daniel). My favourite quote (located on the nutrition page) was “Way to go Bananas!”.
This site, although entertaining and informative, is somewhat scary. It is owned and operated by Dole (fruit company) and is all about how you should eat 5 bananas a day (look at the web address).

 

20 thoughts on “a strange and wonderful glimpse into the workplace”

  2. I have said it before, and I will say it again: Bananas have the consistancy and overall dynamic of fecal matter. It astounds me that any human would actually eat one that was not pureed.

    So there.

  3. I’ll never forget the day in high school when my friend Nancy dipped a banana into her yoghurt, and the cry of “CUMMMMY BANANAAA!!!!” could be heard half way across the school.

    Bananas are funny.

  4. Two things.

    1. I was looking over the fine aforelinked silverorange site. Admiring the clean nature of its design and the robust functionality it demonstrates.

    I know, I thought, I will look at the “slice of the month.”

    And then I see it is Maurice Minnifield. For shame, computer geeks, for shame.

    Now I like Northern Exposure a lot (not as much as some people who would seem to have unnatural attachments to the syndicated drama, but that is not really related to the forthcoming point) but still I ask, why Maurice?

    Why not, oh, I don’t know: Chris Stevens? Ed Garrity? Holling? Shelly? Dr. Fleischman? Maggie? That chick state trooper that Maurice digs? The violin player? Marilyn? Dave the chef? Adam? Dr. Capra? (ok, not him). All good choices.

    No. Maurice J. Minnifield, megalomaniac and tyrant of the Alaskan frontier.

    I am terminally disappointed.

    2. You can get Cummy Bananas at Ken’s Corner. Toothpaste aisle.

  5. Thank you for your complients on the silverorange site. As for Maurice, there were a few reasons we chose him over other Northern Exposure characters as Slice of the Month.

    First of all, you need some appropriate visual features to be able to turn that little round dude into a character. Maurice’s hat and flight jacket worked nicely. Second, Maurice is a great character. He’s not a great guy, but he is a great character.

    He may not be my favourite NX character. Those that know me mightn’t be surprised to hear that I aspire to be Ed Chigliak, film-maker or Chris Stevens, host of KBRH radio (part of the [Maurice] Minnifield Communications Network, I might add).

    Maurice represents the thing that Cicely, Alaska wannabe-lefties (like myself) can’t seem to get rid of: money.

    Maurice is a necessary evil. Embrace him.

  6. Speaking of Silverorange, I noticed that you had some technical difficulties at the hands of the Chinese last night.

    What’s the story?

    =v=

  7. Yea!

    I totally couldn’t check my email until like 10 o’clock this morning, let alone enjoy new posts to AOV. And when it did come up all the images were broken.

    Vince is right, isn’t he? It was the Chinese h4x0rs.

  8. Yes I am actually, if I remember correctly, around 12 AM MST both AOV and Silverorange had index pages that read something like:



    Welcome to http://www.worm.com

    This has been hacked by Chinese

    Or atleast it looked something like that.

  9. yes, there was an attack on our servers last night. things are back up and running smoothly now.

  10. I’m afraid that answer isn’t good enough Steven, fill us in on your plans for vengance! Are you going to hunt them down like the dirty dogs they are? Will you eat their children?

    For some reason I can easily picture the Burka twins in full camo, hiding in trees, and picking off hackers sniper style.

    We all day-dream I guess.

    =v=

  11. I didn’t think I’d get away with that answer. Truth is, there isn’t much to tell. Some of our sites were replaced with the message vince posted above. They didn’t get beyond the webserver or to any sensitive data.

  14. while I fear that what follows may do irreparable damage to the online persona each aov author and reader has carefully constructed, due to the sheer hilarity and the amazing cast, I had to post this.

    behold a short flash slideshow of the day silverorange and friends went paintballing. this slideshow was also posted to our company intranet last summer. don’t be fooled into thinking we are a bunch of badass paintballers. several of us had near heat stroke and Daniel B. still talks about how horrible real war must be based on how afraid he was.

    spot the losers: this slideshow includes (among others) all three aov geniuses (matt, rob, and I lead it off in fine style), the good Dan J., Dan B.,Isaac, and Charlie Fudge.

    The slideshow is over 500Kb and contains unauthorized use copyrighted material – so be patient, browse elsewhere in another window (I recommend explodingdog.com) while it loads, you’ll be alerted of it’s completion by badass tunes.

    Start the Show »
    (500Kb Flash File)

  15. 1. China – as sometime advisor to some, hacking China, given the mood of geopolitics of Asia, might not be a good corporate move for s/o. Then again if you won’t take a stand…WHO WILL????;

    2. Bananas – my mother is from a coastal village in Scotland and in the war (WWII) one of her class mates was diagnosed with a severe stomach ailment that required him to only eat Bananas. There being no bananas in the UK, military routes were employed to bring bananas from the Empire’s carribean outposts to this one school room for the boy. He hated bananas and swapped them for other things. As a result, my mother spent summer days on the hills behind the village watching dog fights in the sky over the seas as she and the other kids munched on bananas.

  16. It’s a shame that that flash show doesn’t demonstrate how fly I looked in those huge camo pants. I could have fit an extra person in each leg.

  17. I, personally, could have only barley fit my ‘other person’ in those..

    Just sayin’ is all.

  18. Funniest shit ever.

    P.Diddy and Matt Dorrell go together like peanut butter and cheese.

  19. It all makes sense now, taken from USA today:

    Computer virus targets White House Web site
    The White House Web site dodged an Internet bullet Thursday, using some technical sleight of hand to sidestep a computer virus dubbed ‘”Code Red.” The virus has infected 225,000 computer systems, defacing many with the message “Hacked By Chinese.”

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