I do not receive enough adulation from the public. Is it so much to ask that, instead of fallacy ridden emails that obliquely threaten legal action*, you send me gifts? Of course not.
My only thought has been that perhaps I am too difficult to shop for. To that end I present you with a short list:

Mr. Suicide Bathtub or Sink Drain Plug – better than a rubber duckie.
Beck Stuff – I like red.

Actually, that’s it. That’s all I want. I just want a bathtub plug and a t-shirt (or a sweatshirt)! That’s it!
I mean, sure I’d like to own a car that I could kick snow off without simultaneously ripping holes in the frame. And, sure, when Stats Canada called, I was embarrassed (see Jennifer, I can spell) to admit that I hadn’t spent a thing on “paid companions” (who are grouped with gardeners and maids for some reason). But really, all I want is some Beck swag and a lousy bathtub plug with a dead guy hanging from the chain.
I’m doing my very best to be reasonable folks. It’s not easy.

* I regret that I cannot produce said email for your perusal. You would laugh and cry. You would – but you will not.