So I was lying back in my en-f*cking-joyable HMCS Charlottetown room in heart of a big f*cking hospitial, when the doc shows up.
Doctor says, “You have one f*cked up intestine”.
I say, “Get it the f*ck out of me, mofo”.
I was on an operating table shaped like a cross - with my arms out (cause they was full of tubes and wires and sh*t). I outrock those wussy “I rock because I lost an infrequently used organ” sh*ts, because I didn't get morphine until I woke up.
I now have a giant f*cking zipper-like wound, with not four, not five, but twenty-nine staples keeping my guts in. On top of that, two f*cking eight- centimetre giant stitches that keep the little sh*t staples together. They shoveled out three to four pounds of my misbehavin' guts.
Unlike all you weak suckers out there, I have four feet less digestive tract. I have no large intestine. I rock harder.
Happy Valentine's Day,
Robert
Note: Swearing has been carefully edited as Valentine's Day is no time for swearing. There will be no exceptions, especially none for me.
I can't immitate Matt's style. I just can't do it justice, so forgive the traces of lameness in that post. To understand, go read this.
Comments
Rob - September 13, 2001 4:50 pm
<I>AOV Organ-Race Update:</I>
<P><P>Matt has yet to have another organ removed like he promised earlier, leaving him second in the standings. <P><P>After upping his lousy "Appendix" with "Colon" his confidence in the race to have no more organs seems to have been shaken.<P>
Isaac - October 26, 2001 3:00 pm
<b>i rock hard too... <i>sorta</i></b>
So, I was walking around f*cking Washington DC, marvelling at all the f*cking cops on every corner, and waiting to get my f*cking award, I get the worst f*cking pain in my side ever.
But since i rock so f*cking hard, i walk all 5 blocks to my hotel room, and try to wait out the pain for about an hour.
Deciding at that point that i'm not so f*cking hard that i'm willing to let my stomach explode from my burst appendix, i call an ambulance, and get to go to a hospital. Side note: albulance was 7th busiest in the US according to the nice paramedics who, while i was moaning in pain, were joking about dropping me.
Once at the hospital, i realize the mistake of letting them taking me to a training hospital, as all 7 med students are entent on proding my f*cking pain filled side. After a good half hour of this, i finally get a f*cking line in my vain, and some sweet sweet morphine. After about 8 hours of them deciding if i had a kidney stone, apendicitis, or both - they finally decide i had a kidney stone, and that it had passed, and sent me home.
Now, I rock so hard, that i feel fine until 6am two days later, when i'm in Conneticut, and need to be rushed to the hospital again. Another round of proding and poking, and finally i get the f*cking morphine drip.
So, i may not have had a organ removed, but i have a f*cking beach ball of a kidney stone moving its way to my bladder and beyond.
Steven Garrity - October 26, 2001 3:44 pm
I drank <a href="http://health.yahoo.com/health/diseases_and_conditions/disease_feed_data/upper_gi_and_small_bowel_series/" title="perhaps you are wondering why?">barium</a> today. I have concluded that I do <i>not</i> rock hard.
Rob - October 26, 2001 6:26 pm
I have been wanting to share this poem I wrote while drinking barium with everybody else:<P><P>
<I>
Truth About Barium<P><P><P>
There is no yum,<P>
In Barium.<p></I>
<P><P>Rob Fletcher<P><P>Ps. Tough gig Isaac. I think you rock hard too. And Steve rocks hard, just because he actually drank the chalk-quid.
Ryan Hillier - October 27, 2001 6:34 pm
I broke my <a href="http://www.bartleby.com/107/49.html" target="_blank">collar bone</a>, aka clavicle. It hurt. It looked like <a href="http://www.emedx.com/emedx/diagnosis_information/diagnosis_information_image_files/shoulder_images/clavicle_fracture_xray.jpg" target="_blank">this</a>. I didn't even get it fixed right away. I walked around for 20 minutes afterward, because I rock hard.<br><br> By the way, I was 11.